Gretchen's Side: Suddenly Always Being A Man (Harmonious Union Diary❤️)
The following is my Twin Flame, Gretchen Green's, honest account of him healing into his Divine Masculinity and us coming together into Harmonious Twin Flame Union.
Literally a week ago I would have sworn to you, and did to several of you, that I was 100% a woman. I had been a bit tomboyish growing up and I didn’t really like to curl my hair, put on makeup, cook or any of the stereotypical “girl/women” things, but I had spurts where I put in more effort and figured I was just a bit lazy or not that type of girl.
I had always been attracted to men, though I had terrible, short-lived and at times dramatic and traumatic experiences with men. It was only after a sexual assault and subsequent abuse by my then boyfriend in high school that I opened myself to the ol’ “college experimentation.” I declared that I must be lesbian or bisexual and dated my best friend at the time by trying to play the role of a man. Knowing what I do now, I realize it wasn’t that I didn’t feel comfortable in that role, but I was completely unsupported in that relationship and realized it was about controlling someone rather than loving them.
After that, I dismissed the relationship and that attraction to women as just being on some spectrum of sexuality and more of the “I want to be you” rather than “I want to be on you”. I didn’t really date anyone after that beyond casual coffee and short-lived hook-ups that were never satisfying and always left me begging for any love to last “just this time.”
When I met my false twin flame about 2 years ago, he reflected to me the pattern that I had been repeating: We’d hook up off and on but had trouble truly connecting. The sex was exciting in that it would happen in unconventional places but it was never really satisfying. I thought it was just me being a woman who had trouble in that area and, once I found Twin Flames Universe and Jeff & Shaleia’s work, was convinced it was just a sexual block that would come up and be healed over the course of my journey.
The past year, I’ve done a ton of inner work. I worked with multiple coaches, almost back to back sessions -- not the most compassionate to myself and was often guided to rebalance and play, but I felt so strongly that I just had to keep going. Just had to do the work. It felt uncomfortable not to do the work. On top of that, I had a “breakthrough” with my false twin back in June and I just knew that if I kept doing the work he would come back and I would have my harmonious union.
In the last couple of months, though I was going through some of my deepest stuff -- anger, resentment, trust issues with God - I felt as though I had hit a wall. I must be broken. I must not be doing the work right. I must be doing something wrong. Perhaps God had decided to troll me by making me without a twin flame. But I knew that was a lie. God is not cruel. God loves me completely and perfectly at all times. I desperately wanted to be closer to God. I wanted that deeper level, that relationship with God and I wanted my twin flame. I felt I couldn’t relax and just receive.
Then something seemingly started to shift, I had 3 dreams back to back about my false twin flame. Suddenly, where I had been so hung up on this attachment to my false twin, I was starting to relax. I felt almost confident that he was my true twin flame and I was at last safe to let go and relax.
Last Thursday, I received the first of many gifts. Cristina Fernandez reached out to me saying she had received information from Jeff and Shaleia and wanted to speak with me. I hopped on a call with her and her twin flame, Daniel Carboni, not sure what to expect. They expressed to me that I had come up in conversation with J&S and they all knew I was working very hard. What came from J&S is that I needed to explore how I felt about sex - did I like giving or receiving?
Given the weight of this message coming from the Gurus, I was immediately triggered. This was the work in front of me and I thought I was sure I liked to receive sex, but I felt the lack of confidence. I felt the sense of dread. It felt like my worst fears were coming true. God was not only luring me into a false sense of security to take away my false twin flame but He was going to turn me into a man in order to be able to have love. I felt angry, hurt and betrayed. I didn’t want to look at it.
Daniel and Cristina graciously sat with me and helped me digest my immediate feelings, and they expressed to me that this was it. Exploring this. Getting clear on this. This was THE block to my harmonious union. This was my proverbial cave.
The next 3 days I was in the massivest of upheaval. I felt like I was dying. I cried nearly nonstop - so confused and hurt. I called in and received a lot of support - coaches and particularly I talked to those in this community who had gone through similar things. I tried to relate to just being a feminine holding on to masculine energy, but I didn’t feel at peace there. It still felt unsettled. I had worked in a session with Daniel and Cristina to see what I was missing but just would not allow myself to see.
Sunday rolled around and I had my weekly session with Colby and Keely. During the session, I was guided perfectly through pointed, logical questions and meditation to the truth. I tried to control it, but I could feel the “thumb of God” move through Colby and Keely. I had nothing left to control. Nowhere to hide and continue denying. Logically, God has DM energy, so DM energy was in me as well.
As soon as I chose to surrender and claim that energy, there was an immediate shift. I felt more peace and calm than I ever had in my entire life. It was so deep. My mind fought it a bit - confused, but my heart knew the truth. Saying that I was the Divine Mascline felt tangibly different than Divine Feminine. I felt clear - surreal, but clear. The upset was gone-- I was suddenly the man God had created me as.
Naturally, my next question was, “Well, if I’m a DM then who is my twin flame?” Colby and Keely revealed to me that Briana Manalo, who I previously thought to be my soul sister, was actually my twin flame as channeled by Keely and confirmed by Jeff and Shaleia. I also felt this to be true. Looking back over the past year, it was obvious aside from thinking that we were sisters.
After this session, I immediately called Briana and told her the news. For her account of this and the events up until now, read her update post here: https://www.sacredtwinflameunion.com/post/coming-into-htfu-my-harmonious-union-diary