Harmonious Union Diary –– Our First Fight!
Good news guys, Gabe & I had our first fight! (Note the new name😍) It was a big one too. REALLY bad. But clearly not so bad since we're still together (duh) 😁 I'll start from the beginning-
I have been in California now for nearly 2 weeks now, and the focus of our attention has been on our Harmonious Union: healing our upsets with constant inner work, learning how to communicate with each other, sharing our journey with you all, and essentially just getting used to our Oneness, grounding into our HTFU. We've also been eating super well (we're beta testing DivineDish.org 😁) and keeping up with our individual day job meetings & responsibilities remotely. With constant care and attention, and especially after our first fight, I can say with 100% confidence that the safety and security of our Union feels a lot more stabilized and grounded than it did 2 weeks ago, with of course much, much more expansion to go. Yay!
Something that Daniel & Cristina (oneconnectedlove.com) have shared with us as we continue to deepen and ground into our HTFU continues to resonate in my mind:
"Your Union wants to expand."
Boy oh boy, does it want to expand.
And with this expansion, upsets about what our next best steps are in order to move forward have become increasingly more present.
Naturally, we're talking about our physical foundation and how we are going to move forward and grow in a peaceful, grounded, and sustainable way.
Currently, I have an apartment in Massachusetts and Gabe has an apartment in California.
We agreed it doesn't make sense to pay rent for two apartments, so we simply need to choose the one it makes the most sense to live in and move in that direction.
After much, much discussion and going back and forth, and taking into consideration the country's current quarantine lockdown advisory, we agreed that while California is definitely where we see ourselves in the long-term, it makes the most sense to cleanse and purge Gabe's apartment and move our Union into my apartment in Massachusetts.
Of course, with such a huge decision comes a lot of upset and (always) more inner work.
Gabe is working through a lot of upsets around this, particularly around identity and releasing the illusion of femininity, and I've been going deeper with surrender, patience, and trusting God that we are moving forward logically and sensibly.
I got to a point this past weekend where I felt we were stuck/stagnating. I feel I've been doing a Hell of a lot of work (working, cooking, inner work) and felt very frustrated that Gabe didn't seem to be doing much of anything.
I got very angry and took it out on Gabe, blaming him for not doing enough and pointing out all the areas where I feel he has failed to "show up." Of course, this is only my mirror and where I feel upset I haven't shown up for myself.
I ended up taking space, going for a walk around the neighborhood, but continuing to yell at Gabe through text (Lol).
When I eventually calmed down enough to return to the apartment, Gabe was angrily throwing all of his "girly" clothes into trash bags.
I realized then and there that even though Gabe was seemingly producing the desired result -- taking an action toward releasing femininity and stepping up on his end, there wasn't any peace in our actions and therefore not the desired result at all.
Ultimately, we realized whatever we do, we should be doing it from a place of peace. Even if something seems like the right next step, it's ultimately not worth doing unless it feels very good and very peaceful.
Sunday night, we relayed our fight to Colby & Keely in a healing session, who were very helpful.
They helped us realize that it's a very good thing we are fighting, as it means we are simply getting more comfortable with each other. As Twin Flames, we're designed to trigger and push each other into being our very best selves (and boy oh boy is this true).
With a soul mate, or any other partner, when you fight, you inevitably clash and eventually fall apart. But with your Twin Flame, when you fight and choose to heal with Jeff & Shaleia's inner work, your Union naturally grows stronger and you both grow closer together.
Ultimately, we're just testing out how truly unshakable and unbreakable our HTFU is. Turns out it's pretty damn strong, and continually getting stronger!
And sometimes taking space is the best, most compassionate thing, especially being new into HTFU.
Colby & Keely also recommended we watch TFAS W1 Class #87, "She Tells Him What to Do, and He Doesn't Like It." All about how Keely pushes Colby to be the strong, Divine man she knows he is. https://twinflamesuniverse.com/tfas-all-class-pass-w1class-87-she-tells-him-what-to-do-and-he-doesnt-like-it/
It's a very, very good thing that I feel the urgency to ground into a permanent foundation. And a very, very good thing that I am pushing Gabe to be his best self. He can handle it and he can handle me. He was designed to! Lol
But again, and Gabe continues to teach me this, nothing is worth losing our peace over.
"If it costs you your peace, it's not worth it."
We also had our Divine Leadership class with Jason & Chrissy this past weekend, and they drove home the fact that when you're in HTFU, there's a natural flow of energy with you and your Twin Flame. For example, Jason is pretty strongly focused on output right now, while Chrissy does the majority of the inner work. It's a flow.
The flow is a living, breathing energy that all Twin Flames share as One. I'm starting to get to know our flow really well, especially right now as I tend to focus on working, cooking, & sharing our Union (output) and Gabe does the majority of the deep inner work (input), especially as he goes deeper into his newly discovered masculinity.
In a lot of ways, we're simply upheaving having lived life "alone" for so long and are now simply getting used to our Oneness. :) <3
So overall, really great, juicy insights, even after our first fight :)
Love you all so much and can't wait to share more as we continue to deepen into our HTFU!
<3 Gabe & Briana <3